Why We Procrastinate
Often procrastination is an attempt to avoid the feelings we’ve come to associate with a task.
Certain tasks reliably evoke emotions like shame, inadequacy, self-doubt, insecurity, or the fear of failing. We may not even notice these emotions consciously, we just find ourselves reaching for something else to do.
Avoiding a task that has challenging emotions associated with it, brings a moment of relief. That relief reinforces avoidance, teaching the nervous system that moving away from the task feels safer than moving toward it. The longer we avoid something, the more intimidating it often becomes, and the cycle begins to reinforce itself.
Many neurodivergent people grow up receiving the message that the way they learn, think, or approach a task is wrong because it differs from those around them. Often, these messages come from well-meaning parents, teachers, or caregivers who are trying to help but become frustrated when a child doesn’t respond in the expected way. Over time, those experiences can become internalized as shame, inadequacy, or the feeling that something is wrong with us.
Those experiences can leave certain tasks carrying far more emotional weight than they appear to. Beginning the task may stir familiar feelings of shame, inadequacy, or the expectation of being criticized. Avoidance then becomes a way of protecting ourselves from those emotional states, even when part of us genuinely wants to move forward.
Rather than asking, How do I stop procrastinating?, it can be more helpful to ask, What does this task make me feel?
Does it bring up shame? Anxiety? Fear of getting it wrong? A sense that you’ll disappoint someone? The urge to avoid, distract, or shut down?
Recognizing the emotion is the first step. Healing comes from developing the capacity to stay with it.
Can you feel resourced enough to remain present with those emotions without immediately trying to escape them? Can you turn toward the part of you that feels ashamed, overwhelmed, or inadequate with curiosity instead of criticism?
Procrastination points toward a place where the nervous system may still be organizing around an experience that needed more safety, attunement, or support than it received.
When we can turn toward the emotions we’ve been avoiding with enough presence, support, and compassion, our capacity naturally expands. The task no longer carries the same emotional weight, making it easier to move toward what matters.
Sam Trivett, RCC is a somatic trauma therapist who specializes in CPTSD and Neurodivergence and works in Vancouver and online in BC.
