Finding Your Own Pace: Trauma Therapy, Neurodivergence, and Nervous System Regulation
We move through countless experiences every day, usually, without noticing the spaces between them. We finish one task and immediately begin another. We move from one conversation into the next. An emotion arises, and before we've had a chance to feel or understand it, our attention has already moved somewhere else.
Thus, rushing from one thing to the next, becomes our familiar rhythm. We're moving through life on autopilot, responding to whatever comes next, often without much awareness of what we've just experienced. But what happens when we begin to notice the pause?
We Are Made Up of Many Rhythms
Something I've been exploring through my training in Alchemical Alignment, a somatic approach to trauma resolution, is the way sensations and emotions can be experienced as waves.
Human beings are a kind of polyrhythm. Our hearts beat, our breathing rises and falls, thoughts come and go, and different emotions can move through us simultaneously. We might feel sadness in one part of ourselves, anger in another, and perhaps even a little relief somewhere else.Each experience has its own rhythm, and these rhythms are continually interacting.
One of the practices I've been learning is to slow down and bring my attention to one wave at a time. When we stay curious about a particular sensation or emotion, we may begin to notice how it unfolds. Perhaps there's a beginning, a building of intensity, a shift, and eventually a settling or change into something else.
We are made up of many overlapping rhythms. When we slow down enough to follow just one, we may begin to notice the spaces that were there all along.
Learning When to Stay and When to Step Away
An important part of this practice is learning to recognize whether we have enough capacity to stay present with what we're experiencing. Sometimes an emotion or sensation arises, and we feel resourced enough to be curious about it. We might notice where we feel it in the body, how it changes, and what happens as we give it our attention. There can be something meaningful about staying with an experience as it moves through its own natural course. We may discover that an emotion we thought would last forever begins to shift, soften, or settle.
Other times, the intensity of an experience exceeds what we feel able to be with. In those moments, we might intentionally turn our attention toward something supportive. We might go for a walk, connect with someone we trust, listen to music, or engage in an activity that helps us feel more settled. Sometimes the emotional wave continues to change and resolve while our attention is elsewhere. Sometimes we return to it later, when we have more capacity to explore it. Both are ways of responding to our experience.
The practice is to become curious about the quality of what we're feeling and our capacity to be with it.
Is this something I have enough support and capacity to stay with right now? Or would it feel better to step away and return another time?
Developing this discernment is part of learning to trust our own pacing.
Some Waves Move Slowly
Not every emotional or physiological experience unfolds at the same pace.
In my experience with somatic trauma work, some waves of sympathetic nervous system activation, such as agitation, mobilization, or the impulse to move, can shift considerably within a single period of inquiry.
Other experiences unfold much more slowly. States of freeze, shutdown, or hypoarousal can sometimes feel like frozen places within us that have been there for a very long time. When working with these experiences, I've often found that change happens gradually. We might return to the same sensation, emotional experience, or protective part of ourselves over many months, noticing subtle changes as it begins to soften or thaw. There may be moments of movement followed by periods when very little seems to be happening.
This is another reason why finding our own pace matters. Some experiences benefit from sustained attention. Others need us to approach slowly, spend a little time together, and then step away. We can learn to recognize the different rhythms within ourselves and allow change to unfold at a pace we can support.
Discovering the Space Between
Most of us move through our days with very little awareness of the pauses between experiences. We finish a conversation and immediately begin thinking about the next thing we need to do. We complete a task and reach for our phones. An emotion begins to settle, and our attention is already occupied with something else.
When we slow down, we may begin to notice that transitions are happening. There's a pause between finishing work and going home. A moment between one conversation and the next. Sometimes we can notice a little space between thoughts, between breaths, or between waves of emotional activation. These pauses exist at different scales, and we can begin exploring them wherever they're accessible to us.
One of the things I find particularly meaningful about this practice is that it allows us to experience the completion of something. We can notice that an experience has changed, that something has settled, or that we're ready to move into what's next. And we can give ourselves a little time to digest what has just happened.
The Pause as Nervous System Support for CPTSD Recovery
Our nervous systems are continually responding to what's happening around and within us. When we're moving quickly from one demand to another, we may have very little opportunity to notice how those experiences are affecting us. A pause creates an opportunity to check in.How am I feeling right now? What just happened? Is there something I need before moving on?
Sometimes we might discover that we're tired, overstimulated, or holding tension we hadn't noticed. Sometimes we realize that something emotionally significant happened, and we need a little time to digest it. Other times, we might find that we're feeling settled and ready to continue.
Pausing can support nervous system regulation by giving us an opportunity to notice our state and respond to what we need. And, regulation doesn't always mean becoming calm. Sometimes it means making room for an emotion to be felt, allowing ourselves to move, or recognizing that we need support.
Finding Your Own Pace
Learning to recognize when you need a pause is part of discovering your own capacity, rhythm, and pace. You might begin by getting curious about how you're experiencing something in the moment. How is this feeling to be with right now? Do you want to stay with it a little longer? Is there a sense that you need some space before continuing?
Sometimes we have the capacity to stay present with something difficult, even when it's emotionally intense. Other times, we might notice that we're reaching a limit and need to slow down. Taking a pause gives us an opportunity to explore that difference and become more familiar with our own needs.
Over time, you might begin to recognize the subtle signals that tell you when it's time to pause, when something needs more time to settle, or when you feel ready to move forward. You may also discover that your capacity changes from day to day, and even from moment to moment. The more we practice listening to these signals and responding to them, the more we can develop trust in our own pacing.
The practice is to become curious about what you're experiencing and to discover your own capacity, rhythm, and pace.
The Pause and Neurodivergent Experience
For neurodivergent people, particularly those who experience challenges with executive functioning, transitions between activities can carry their own difficulties. Moving from one task to another requires us to shift our attention, organize ourselves, and engage with a new set of demands. Sometimes we move rapidly between tasks without noticing what we need. Other times, we find ourselves stuck, unable to begin something new even when we want to.
I've been curious about how noticing the pause between activities can support these transitions. Imagine finishing a work meeting and giving yourself a moment before opening your email. Rather than immediately moving into the next demand, you pause. You might notice that the conversation left you feeling activated, or that you need to stretch, drink some water, or sit quietly for a moment. You might also notice a sense of completion. The meeting is finished. You can let it be finished.
There's something valuable about allowing one experience to come to a close before beginning another. For someone who struggles with transitions, this pause might create a little more room to recognize what they need to move forward. And for some people, a pause might make it harder to restart. You get to experiment and discover what supports your unique nervous system.
Practicing the Pause
You don't need a formal meditation practice to begin exploring this. You can start by noticing the natural endings that already happen throughout your day. When you finish a conversation, before reaching for your phone, take a moment. When you complete a task, notice what it feels like to have finished. When an emotion begins to settle, see if you can recognize the shift.
You could ask yourself:
What's happening in me right now?
Is there anything from that experience I want to give a little more space to?
What do I need before moving into what's next?
You may want to orient to your surroundings, feel your feet on the ground, or look out a window. Other times, you might prefer to do nothing at all. And if pausing feels uncomfortable, you can keep it brief or choose another way of supporting yourself.
The intention is to become more familiar with your own experience and the ways you naturally move between different states.
Making Room for What Comes Next
As we become more attentive to our experiences, we begin to notice how emotions move and change, and how moments of space emerge between them.We may become more aware of when we're ready to continue, when we need support, and when something deserves a little more time.
This is how developing greater trust in my own capacity, rhythm, and pace has opened up more space for me to experience, digest, and respond to life.
Sam Trivett is a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) offering trauma therapy in person in Vancouver and online throughout British Columbia. Sam specializes in complex trauma (CPTSD) and works with neurodivergent clients, including those with ADHD and autism. As a neurodivergent therapist, Sam brings both personal and professional experience to their work, with an emphasis on somatic approaches, nervous system regulation, parts work and helping clients discover their own capacity, rhythm, and pace.
