The Difference Between Knowing and Feeling

Why Understanding Isn’t Always Enough

Have you ever said something like, “I know it wasn’t my fault… but I still feel like it was”?

This is a common moment in therapy, where the mind knows something, but the body doesn’t quite believe it yet. You might have read all the books, talked it through countless times, and even developed sharp self-awareness. And still, the same patterns return. The same shame. The same stuckness.

That’s the gap between intellectual understanding and embodied insight.

What is intellectual understanding?

Intellectual understanding happens in the mind. It’s the part of us that analyzes, reflects, and makes sense of things. It’s the insight that says, “I’m triggered because of my attachment history,” or “My anger makes sense given what I’ve been through.”

These are important and powerful realizations. But insight alone doesn’t always create change.

What is embodied insight?

Embodied insight is when the body comes into agreement with the mind. It’s when a part of you feels the truth, not just knows it logically. It might show up as a softening in your chest, a deeper breath, a sense of relief, or warmth.

It’s when your nervous system starts to believe: “I’m safe now.”

“I don’t have to earn love anymore.”

“I can set a boundary and still belong.”

These shifts are often quiet but profound, and they’re usually what people mean when they say something “clicked” on a deeper level.

Sometimes, we don’t even realize we’ve had an embodied shift until we catch ourselves in a new pattern: “I’ve been setting boundaries with more ease,” or “My partner isn’t triggering me the same way,” or “I have energy left at the end of the workday.” The change can feel subtle, but it often shows up in how we move through the world, not just how we think about it.

Why does this matter for healing?

Trauma might show up in our thinking patterns, but its root lies in our bodies and nervous systems. That’s why somatic therapy and parts work (like Internal Family Systems) aim to bring the body and emotions into the healing process.

These approaches include both bottom-up and top-down processing:

• Bottom-up means working with the body and nervous system, like noticing sensations, tracking impulses, and supporting regulation.

• Top-down involves awareness, meaning-making, and conscious reflection.

When both are engaged, healing can integrate on multiple levels—not just as an idea, but as an experiential sense of safety, agency, and understanding.

If you’ve been stuck between knowing and feeling, you’re not doing it wrong.

You might need a different kind of support, one that helps your body catch up to what your mind already knows.

Sam, RCC is a Somatic, Internal Family Systems Therapist offering trauma therapy and couples counselling in Vancouver, BC.

Fill out the form below to book a free 20-minute consultation.